Aspyn Ovard is bringing her throuple with married couple Bri and Billy Davis to Hulu’s The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives: Orange County, which premieres Nov. 12. Our take: her story will sound familiar to a lot of open couples. It started with a wife exploring her sexuality, it grew on its own instead of being hunted, and she describes it as a “pretty equal dynamic.”
Who is Aspyn Ovard’s throuple with?
Hulu dropped the trailer for the Orange County spin-off on Oct. 20, and the show streams on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+ starting Nov. 12, according to ABC7 Los Angeles. Jen Affleck leads a cast that includes Ashleigh Pease, Aspyn Ovard, Avery Woods, Bobbi Althoff, Jordan McClanahan, Madison Bontempo, McCall DaPron and Salomé Andrea.
In the trailer, “Aspyn introduces her throuple with married couple Bri and Billy Davis to the group,” Entertainment Daily reports. The Blast calls it the franchise’s first-ever throuple. Aspyn, a longtime influencer, confirmed the relationship back in March.
How did Aspyn Ovard’s throuple start?
Not with a plan. On Becca Moore’s “For the Girls” podcast, as Us Weekly reported, she put it this way: “It didn’t start off like that. It was just like … me and Bri. They had an open relationship so that she could explore her sexuality, and then I met her, and then I met Billy, not with the intention of … they weren’t looking for a third person.”
That opening will ring a bell for plenty of couples in our world. A wife is curious, the couple opens up so she can explore, and it often starts with girl-girl play or a soft swap. Our take: if one of you wants to explore, say it out loud and agree on it together before anyone else is involved. (If you’re not sure how to start that talk, here’s how to bring up the lifestyle with your partner.)
And Billy clearly made an impression. “He literally is the best. I didn’t know guys like him could exist. … He just literally changed my life,” she said.
Can you go looking for a throuple, or does it have to happen on its own?
Aspyn’s own answer is a gentle one: “I feel like what we have is by chance. I wouldn’t go around [telling others], ‘Oh my God, you definitely need to do this.’ … You can’t seek it out. It fell into my lap.”
We think that’s a quiet counter to unicorn hunting. Couples who go shopping for a single woman to fit their plan often end up disappointed. The connections that grow on their own, where the third person is treated as a person with her own needs and not a missing puzzle piece, tend to go a lot better. There’s more on that in our unicorn-hunt study roundup.
What can swingers and open couples learn from it?
To be clear, this is a polyamorous triad, not swinging. But there are a few lessons in it for anyone who has opened up a marriage.
Labels are optional. Agreements aren’t. Aspyn says there are no “weird rules,” calls it a “pretty equal dynamic,” and says, “It’s very normalized to me now because it’s been a long time of this.” On labels: “I definitely think of them as partners. Labels are just, like, such an internet thing.” Our take: call it whatever you want, but the people inside it should all know the agreement, and the newest person should get an equal say in it. That goes for swingers too, whether you’re deciding between soft swap and full swap or anything in between.
Casual can turn into more. Us Weekly reports the dynamic was supposed to be “casual,” and none of them knew where it would go. When a fun connection starts turning into something bigger, don’t assume everyone feels the same. Check in, re-agree, and adjust. We made the same point about Pam Andrews’ open marriage and separate homes: agreements fit a season of life, and they need a fresh look when life changes.
TV shows the drama, not the check-ins. A Hulu reality show is about to put a throuple in front of millions of viewers. Expect it to show the big moments. The boring, honest conversations that keep relationships like this working are mostly going to happen off camera.
So here’s our question for you: if a connection grew bigger than you planned, how would the two of you check in before it went any further?