Three non-monogamy stories this week: the West Hollywood City Council passed a multi-partner relationship registry on second reading, T-Pain launched a YouTube dating show about a married couple looking for a third, and writer Michelle Tea gave a long interview about opening up a marriage for her new book, Free Love. Here's what each story actually says, and our take on it.
Is West Hollywood's polyamorous relationship registry official now?
The council passed it on second reading, per NBC Los Angeles and Newsweek; the city's official minutes aren't posted yet. NBC reports the West Hollywood City Council unanimously passed the ordinance, introduced by Mayor John Heilman, letting three or more adults in a committed relationship register as a "multi-partner domestic relationship" with the city. It extends local protections already available to domestic partners, including visitation rights at health care facilities and city jails, and protections for rental units. NBC is clear that it's "strictly a local ordinance and does not create a marriage or domestic partnership under California or federal law." NBC says it takes effect December 2.
Newsweek adds that the City Council approved it on November 2 and that the city clerk will schedule a separate public hearing to set the registration fee, so not every step of signing up is in place yet. Advocacy group Rewrite the BiLine says it's now working with the city on a follow-up ordinance so the registry covers people in concurrent relationships of two or more, not only groups of three or more.
The Los Angeles Blade talked to Christina Fialho, who leads Rewrite the BiLine and pushed for the measure: "The new law not only gives polyamorous unions legal recognition, I think it also gives people permission to imagine a future together and to plan their lives openly." West Hollywood was also the first city in the country to recognize same-sex domestic partnerships, back in 1985.
Our take: we've been following this one since the first vote in October, and NYC is weighing its own version. Hospital visits and not getting squeezed out of an apartment are the practical stuff people in our community actually worry about. It isn't marriage, and nobody should sell it that way, but it's a real win.
What is T-Pain's Searching for a Third?
Them reports that T-Pain launched Searching for a Third on Thursday, a reality dating series from his company Nappy Boy Productions. Singer Shonte Renee and producer DJ Montay, a married couple, are looking for a third to bring into their marriage. The first two episodes are already up on YouTube. In the trailer, Renee says, "Welcome to polyamory, the practice of loving more than one partner. And for us, that means finding a third." Montay adds, "Our marriage is built on love, trust and honesty. Now we're opening up the doors to see who fits right in." Them also notes the couple talked on a 2024 podcast about an existing committed relationship with a third partner, Kelsey Humphrey.
Our take: we haven't watched the episodes yet, so this isn't a review. A couple looking for a third is one of the most common setups in the lifestyle, and one of the easiest to get wrong. The third is a person, not a prize, and what they want counts as much as what the couple wants. If you're the couple, be upfront about your agreement before anybody gets attached. We get into how to make that first approach in Episode 270 on picking up another couple at a lifestyle event, and our guide on how to find swingers near you safely covers where to meet people offline too.
What does Michelle Tea's Free Love say about opening a marriage?
Writer Michelle Tea sat down with Gay Times about her new book, Free Love: Adventures in Marriage and Polyamory. The Observer's review says the book details the end of one marriage and the teething troubles of the next, as Tea and her new husband try to make non-monogamy work for them.
Tea doesn't sugarcoat it. "The first year of opening up a relationship is really hard. Part of the reason it's hard is that it's also so exhilarating," she says. Her first piece of advice is couples counseling with a therapist who knows non-monogamy, and she calls new relationship energy powerful, warning that those chemicals "can blow your head off." On rules versus boundaries: "It's always a negotiation, even if you're using language like 'boundaries' or 'rules.' You have to be open to pushback."
Our take: swinging and polyamory aren't the same thing, but this part carries over. That rush after a great night is real, and it can make a new connection feel bigger than it is. Check in with each other the next day, not just that night. And treat your agreement as something you revisit as you go, not a contract you sign once.
Want more of us talking through stuff like this? Catch every episode on The Swing Nation show page or listen on Apple Podcasts.
Take care of each other,
Dan & Lacy